He is here

George’s family was over the moon excited for this baby to come. His mother wanted to throw me a baby shower. I was pretty excited about it (when it first came up, I was planning on keeping him). I was working to put a list of people to invite. It was difficult. I went to my mom and asked her about it. She gave me the most devastating news I had ever heard come from her mouth. She told me she wouldn’t attend. She didn’t agree with it, and didn’t think we should be celebrating. I was heartbroken. Felt betrayed. I thought for sure my mom would at least support me, and be there for me. I knew our relationship was strained, but I didn’t know it had gotten this bad.

I couldn’t stand to even look at her anymore. I wanted nothing to do with my family. My grandmother was the only one I could still bare to look at and be around, and even she was vocal about her opinion (which wasn’t in line with mine).

When I told my mom I wasn’t keeping him, it made it even worse. It felt like it was a contest and she had won. I felt she was doing a dance on the other end of the phone because I was placing him. Because she didn’t want him, and didn’t want anything to do with him, and now she wouldn’t have to “deal” with it anymore.

Shortly after I changed my mind, I told Georges mother I wasn’t going to have a baby shower. I appreciated the thought, but didn’t want to have one. She was very angry with me. She didn’t understand why I didn’t want one. But after having a fit, agreed to let it go.

After telling my parents my new plan, my mom seemed to turn around. She was nice to me, wanted to be around me and wanted to be there for me. I however, was still angry with her and wanted nothing to do with her.

I told her that I needed to let George be in the hospital room with me while I gave birth. I had to have a C-Section due to my previous deliveries). I didn’t want George to freak out if I didn’t allow him in there. I was trying to appease him. I did however give her a bracelet so she could get into the nursery to see him. She was there for the other births, and she wasn’t very happy about me choosing George over her.

The day was here, he was here. I had him with no pain meds aside from the epidural. I am allergic to morphine so the Dr. opted to not give me anything. Man that sucked! I was dry heaving the entire time, and couldn’t make it stop. It was very draining. I was exhausted.

He was beautiful, perfect, everything I had hoped for. Except he wasn’t mine.

*****

P.S. You should read the comment left by my Dad for his view.

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One thought on “He is here

  1. Candice’s father here again…I’d like to tell “the rest of the story” on this posting. While I understand the feelings Candace has described here, nothing could be farther from the truth. I dislike catchy phrases and clichés in general, so it is with reluctance that I use one to describe our dilemma. That cliché is “tough love.” Through this whole process, we (mom and dad) were every bit as miserable as Candace was, but we knew what our part in this process had to be. We loved Candice then, but we didn’t like her at all. She was bitter and angry, determined to do what she wanted to do, and unwilling to accept any council in opposition to her own wishes. But we remained resolute. We knew this relationship could not work. With what we knew of the father, we knew that Candice and the baby were both at risk in this relationship and we could not in any way support it.

    As parents of five, we’ve had to do some very difficult things over the years. Very high on the list of the most difficult was Candice’s mother telling her that she would not attend her baby shower. This was not a contest or a battle of wills to see who would give in. There was certainly no dancing or celebrating, not even any real sense of relief on our part. Gut wrenching is how I would describe it, and this feeling lasted for a long time.

    Our resentment toward the father and his mother was exacerbated by the fact that they knew only what they wanted. Their feelings were completely selfish–the father wanted a son and the mother wanted a grandson. And she wanted to be a grandma who gave a baby shower. They were blind to the risks, blind to the welfare of the baby.

    We were confident that a marriage couldn’t last, and I suspect that even Candice can see that now. One of the things we learned was that in a broken marriage where drugs and alcohol is present there is a 90% chance that some form (or forms) of child abuse will occur. As much as we wanted Candice to be happy we knew this was not the formula for happiness and we could not support a situation which placed the baby at such high risk.

    Knowing this moment of truth (the baby shower) was coming, We had received council from our Bishop and others that we had to stand firm, we had to show “tough love.” But “tough” is far too soft a word in this situation. As I said, this was a gut wrenching time. How do you tell your only daughter that you will not attend her baby shower?

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