George’s family was over the moon excited for this baby to come. His mother wanted to throw me a baby shower. I was pretty excited about it (when it first came up, I was planning on keeping him). I was working to put a list of people to invite. It was difficult. I went to my mom and asked her about it. She gave me the most devastating news I had ever heard come from her mouth. She told me she wouldn’t attend. She didn’t agree with it, and didn’t think we should be celebrating. I was heartbroken. Felt betrayed. I thought for sure my mom would at least support me, and be there for me. I knew our relationship was strained, but I didn’t know it had gotten this bad.
I couldn’t stand to even look at her anymore. I wanted nothing to do with my family. My grandmother was the only one I could still bare to look at and be around, and even she was vocal about her opinion (which wasn’t in line with mine).
When I told my mom I wasn’t keeping him, it made it even worse. It felt like it was a contest and she had won. I felt she was doing a dance on the other end of the phone because I was placing him. Because she didn’t want him, and didn’t want anything to do with him, and now she wouldn’t have to “deal” with it anymore.
Shortly after I changed my mind, I told Georges mother I wasn’t going to have a baby shower. I appreciated the thought, but didn’t want to have one. She was very angry with me. She didn’t understand why I didn’t want one. But after having a fit, agreed to let it go.
After telling my parents my new plan, my mom seemed to turn around. She was nice to me, wanted to be around me and wanted to be there for me. I however, was still angry with her and wanted nothing to do with her.
I told her that I needed to let George be in the hospital room with me while I gave birth. I had to have a C-Section due to my previous deliveries). I didn’t want George to freak out if I didn’t allow him in there. I was trying to appease him. I did however give her a bracelet so she could get into the nursery to see him. She was there for the other births, and she wasn’t very happy about me choosing George over her.
The day was here, he was here. I had him with no pain meds aside from the epidural. I am allergic to morphine so the Dr. opted to not give me anything. Man that sucked! I was dry heaving the entire time, and couldn’t make it stop. It was very draining. I was exhausted.
He was beautiful, perfect, everything I had hoped for. Except he wasn’t mine.
P.S. You should read the comment left by my Dad for his view.